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Dare s jaw muscles tightened. I shall not bore you with the details. Suffice it to say
that the property in Wantage is yours.
As easy as that?
He gave a mirthless laugh. It was a simple matter. I believe my solicitor felt the
case almost beneath him.
It seemed strange, that something so important to her could be of so little
consequence.
A silence fell.
What do you intend to do now? Dare asked at last.
I suppose I will sell the property.
And return to India?
Yes, she said, finally meeting his eyes. The muscles at the corners of his mouth
tightened visibly.
I will, of course, assist you in any way that I can. It would not be difficult to sell
the property. My solicitor tells me he has had an inquiry from the landowner next
door.
Oh? When the estate was sold, she would have no reason to remain in England.
No reason to see him again.
Her eyes stung and she sought for a distraction. She would not humiliate herself in
front of him, would not allow the concern she saw in his eyes to weaken her. Let me
ring for tea, she said, relieved to hear that her voice was steady. Unless you d prefer
something stronger?
Dare must have detected the forced cheerfulness in her words, for he stood with
her. Indira.
Tea, then, she said, taking a step toward the door, desperate to get out of the
room before her legs collapsed beneath her.
95
Erica Anderson
Indira.
She turned, only to meet his broad chest. She put up her hands, then curled her
fingers into her palms to keep from touching him. He took her wrists gently in his grip.
Indira, he said again, more softly. Don t go.
She wasn t sure she knew what he meant. Did he mean not go to India? Or not go
now, to ring for tea?
To her horror, she felt herself begin to tremble. She pulled away and went to the
door, leaning her forehead against the jamb for a moment.
To Dare, she appeared more fragile and vulnerable than he d ever seen her and it
tore at his heart. He knew that if she left, something of him would go with her. Please,
Indira, stay. Stay. In England. Here, in Sussex. I will deed you the house. Don t go.
Don t leave me.
She turned. I don t understand.
I want you to be safe, he said, reaching for the words that would convince her. If
you won t have me as a husband, at least let me provide for you as I would any other
family member.
Indira eyed him suspiciously. You mean as a dependent, don t you?
He frowned and pinched the bridge of his nose. At last, he gave a weighty sigh.
Let me do this, Indira, he said softly. At least this, if nothing else. She had reduced
him to begging. For God s sake, did she want him on his knees?
Why? she asked, turning from the door. She leaned against it, her hands behind
her, as though she had to prevent herself from reaching for him.
Why? Because he was the head of the family. Because it was his responsibility. But
it was simpler than that. Indira was no orphaned ward or spinster aunt. She was the
woman he loved. And he could not live without her. Did not want to live without her.
96
Not Quite a Lady
Love. It felt as though a kind of fog had lifted, for he now had a word for all the
tangled passions that had plagued him the lust that was more than lust, the desire that
possessed his days and nights, the need that had taken root in his bones.
She was the only one for him her hair unbound, her faded dress, her feet, bare as a
child s. It did not matter that her manners were forward or her speech direct. Nor that
she preferred being left to her own devices to the ballrooms of the ton.
Dare looked at her, saw the strain in the set of her jaw, the tension in her brow. This
mattered to her, he realized. It mattered to her why he wanted to give her a home. The
knot in his stomach began to unravel and everything fell into place. At last a name for
the strange sense of unreality, of disconnection that had been his day-to-day existence
since she left London. Love.
Dare? Her voice recalled him to the room.
Why? he asked softly. Because I cannot bear the thought of you returning to
India. I cannot I do not want to live without you. I ve fallen in love with you, Indira. I
think since I saw you the first time, sitting there in MacGillivray s parlor.
He stepped forward, more sure of himself now. He would convince her of his love;
he would explain to her what she meant to him. He cupped her cheek in his hand,
stroking with his thumb.
I don t want you to leave, and I want you& I want you in whatever way you ll
have me. If you won t marry me, then we ll find another way. Only Christ, say
something, Indira.
He wanted to take her by the shoulders, make her answer him. Yet he dreaded her
response, dreaded the death of this awful hope.
She lifted a hand to cover his own large one where it curved around her face. She
looked at him, her eyes wary. You cannot mean this, Dare. She swallowed, as though
it was suddenly difficult to speak.
Is it Fitzroy? he asked, keeping his voice even. Have you already agreed to
marry him? I m too late, aren t I?
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Erica Anderson
Dare pulled away, hands clenched. I never thought to be bettered by Fitzroy, God
rot his soul. And honor is cold comfort, in the end.
He laid his palms flat against the frame of the window and hung his head.
Idiot. He was a damned idiot, to let his pride and jealousy drive her away. He was what
had she called him? badir chaud, son of a buffalo.
He laughed, the sound rough and without humor.
Indira moved forward, hesitant. His face, so pale and stricken, frightened her. She
never feared for herself, but she had learned, over the past weeks, what it meant to care
for someone else. She had wondered she could not help herself whether Dare was
well. Whether he went out to the opera with Sabina. Whom he danced with at the next
ball. And more prosaically, whether he came home for an evening meal, whether he
stayed up late at night, working in his study.
How his life in London had gone on without her.
She stretched out her hand and rested it on his shoulder. Dare. She ran her hand
back and forth over the rough wool. Sebastian.
It was the first time she had ever used his given name. He stiffened beneath her
hand.
Sebastian, she said again. I am not engaged to Fitzroy. I thought you knew that.
I would rather take my chances in India than shackle myself to a man to salve his
honor.
Fitzroy had indeed come down to Sussex. And he had demanded, for over an hour,
that Indira marry him. Jaw set, she had merely waited him out, silent in the face of his
insistence. At last he had shaken his head and dropped onto the settee, completely
bewildered. She had asked Evers for brandy then, and Fitzroy, who drank very rarely,
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