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took me on vacation but didn t want to do anything but talk on the phone and watch television? Yeah,
I d be pissed, too.
I ll go to the beach with you this afternoon, I offered. Before she could respond, the eggs I d
been planning on transferring to a bowl slipped from my fingers and splatted across the floor. Shit.
I sighed. How about we all get lunch at the beach? My treat.
That sounds great! She beamed and in that moment when her face lit up, I could see how pretty
she was underneath her bad make-up job.
Why don t you go ask your boyfriend if he wants to come, too, I suggested. Maybe a free meal
would tempt him to make an appearance.
I ll go ask. She jumped up and hurried towards the stairs while I went out to talk to Emma.
I can t. I m right in the middle of something, Emma said, barely glancing up from her laptop.
But if you wouldn t mind taking Michelle, I m sure she d love to go.
Of course, I said. She wouldn t let me go down to the beach without her anyway. And Pearl
and her mom are going, too. It ll be good for them. I leaned in and lowered my voice. Her mom
said they haven t gone out much. Can you believe it? They re on vacation.
Emma looked up and shrugged. As long as they pay rent, I don t care how they spend their time
here.
I headed out to tell the girls, running into Pearl s mom on the way. She looked annoyed. He
doesn t want to come. Apparently, he s busy.
Well, we ll just have fun without him, I said and slung my purse over my shoulder. I held the
front screen door open for her and we walked outside. I m Hanna, by the way.
I m...Carol.
Nice to meet you. She was a skittish one for sure, the nervous type, but also with a kind of
underlying sadness in her face. I tried to encourage her with a smile and said, Well, Carol, let s get
the girls and go have lunch. I know of a nice place down near the pier. At least you ll be getting out.
Chapter 12
Dani
The sun was bright, the sky mostly clear with just enough clouds to offer the occasional respite.
We couldn t have asked for a more perfect day. The air was warm, just on this side of hot, the perfect
temperature for anyone who wanted to go in the water, as well as those who d prefer to sit on the
beach.
Carol, Michelle, Pearl and I went to one of the little beach restaurants first. Surprisingly, it wasn t
too crowded and we were able to get seated and served in less than an hour. By the time we were
finished, it was past noon and the beach was starting to fill up with people carrying their folding
beach chairs, staking their claim with a blanket to the best spot in the sand.
As we walked towards the water, Michelle tugged on my hand. Come on, Hanna, let s go in the
water.
You and Pearl go ahead¸ I said. I hadn t worn a bathing suit. Now that I thought about it, I was
pretty sure I hadn t even brought a bathing suit.
Please, Hanna, Michelle begged.
Race us. Pearl joined in.
I sighed, pretending to be thinking about it. Oh, I suppose... I shifted, trying not to think about
how hard it was going to be to keep my sandals on my feet in a moment. Ready set go! I ran the
words together and took off before the girls had even realized what I was doing.
I heard shouts of protest, followed by gales of laughter that drew closer as they ran after me.
Cheater! Michelle shouted even as she laughed.
I reached the water s edge and turned, spreading my arms wide. I win!
Michelle slapped my hand as she ran past and Pearl caught the other one just seconds later. I spun
around just in time to get a splash of cold water across my legs.
Hey! I protested. I kicked off my sandals and left them in the sand, then splashed water towards
the girls who squealed and ran further into the ocean.
As they turned their attention to the waves and forgot about me, I watched them. Growing up, I d
thought about kids and if I wanted them, how many, names...all the usual things teenage girls are
supposed to think about. But, I d never been baby obsessed. They were just daydreams, fantasies,
something I d never thought would be a reality.
Now, however, as I watched the girls playing, something was changing inside of me. I wanted to
be a part of Lacey s life, but for the first time, it really hit home. I also wanted to have my own baby. I
knew this was the wrong time to be thinking about having kids, with all the shit going on around me
and Luke, but I couldn t help imagining what it d be like. Although I d never seen Luke with Lacey, I
could tell by the way he talked about her and how protective he was of her that he loved her fiercely.
He was an amazing man with a big heart and& oh, my. I was overwhelmed and surprised by this rush
of emotions. I truly did want to have a baby. With Luke. Then I snorted a laugh and snapped back to
reality, thinking, Let s not put the cart before the horse. There would be a lot of things that would have
to be settled before I could even think about that again.
Lost in thought, I dug my toes into the wet sand at the water s edge.
It s beautiful here. Carol s voice cut into my thoughts. So much nicer than New York. You d
never know it was the same ocean.
I looked over at her, surprised. I thought back over the few conversations we d had. I didn t recall
either her or Pearl saying where they were from.
I m from the city, too, I confessed. I wasn t going to press for details since that d open myself
up for more personal questions. But this is the kind of place where I d like to settle down. Much
better for raising kids.
My childhood had been spent in a rough neighborhood with the sound of gunshots. Not like this,
with a view of the ocean and the sound of the waves. And the fear I d had to conquer young to survive
around my mother s boyfriends , it all added up to too many bad memories. If I ever was going to
have a family, I wouldn t be able to do it, have one in a big city like that.
I hear you, Carol said, lighting up a cigarette.
I thought about pointing out the No Smoking sign posted just a few feet away and then decided
against it. Again, not my business.
I d love to get my girl out of there. She puffed on the thin, white stick. But a single mom don t
get many options& not the kind that include taking off clothes or lying on your back.
Your boyfriend...? I didn t want to sound too inquisitive, but I felt like I needed to say
something.
He s not Pearl s daddy, she said, even though that hadn t been what I d been asking. He s nice
enough to her, but the kid ain t his flesh and blood, so he s not gonna go out of his way to get her
someplace nicer.
I could hear the Bronx coming out in her voice now. She must ve grown up there. She was good at
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