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but he muttered to himself alarmingly. Cordelia had a nasty vision of collapse
and fevered delirium, and no faith at all in her ability to take over his role
of identifying and contacting a loyal member of his crew. It was plain that an
error in judgment could be lethal, and while she could not say that all
Barrayarans looked alike to her, she was forcibly reminded of the old
conundrum that starts, "All Cretans are liars."
Near sunset, threading their way through a patch of denser woods, they came
suddenly on a little glade of astonishing beauty.
A waterfall foamed down over a bed of black rocks that glistened like
obsidian, a cascade of lace alive with light. The grass that bordered the
streambed was backlit by the sun in a translucent gold glow. The surrounding
trees, tall, dark green, and shady, set it like a gem.
Vorkosigan leaned on his stick and gazed at it a while. Cordelia thought she
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had never seen a tireder looking human being, but then, she had no mirror.
"We have about fifteen kilometers to go," he said. "I don't wish to approach
the cache in the dark. We'll stop here tonight, rest, and take it in the
morning."
They flopped down in the soft grass and watched the glorious flaming sunset in
silence, like an old married couple too tired to get up and turn it off. At
last the failing light forced them into action. They washed hands and faces in
the stream, and Vorkosigan shared his Barrayaran field rations at last. Even
after four days of oatmeal and blue cheese dressing, they were a
disappointment.
"Are you sure this isn't instant boots?" asked Cordelia sadly, for in color,
taste, and smell they closely resembled pulverized shoe leather pressed into
wafers.
Vorkosigan grinned sardonically. "They're organic, nutritious, and they'll
keep for years-in fact, they probably have."
Cordelia smiled around a dry and chewy mouthful. She hand-fed Dubauer his-he
was inclined to spit them out-then washed and settled him for the night. He
had had no seizures this day, which she hoped might be a sign of partial
improvement in his condition.
The earth still breathed a comfortable warmth from the heat of the day, and
the stream purled softly in the stillness. She wished she could sleep for a
hundred years, like an enchanted princess. Instead she rose and volunteered
for the first watch.
"I think you'd better have the extra sleep tonight," she told Vorkosigan.
"I've had the short watch two nights out of three. It's your turn."
"There's no need-" he began.
"If you don't make it, I don't make it," she pointed out bluntly. "And neither
does he." She jerked her thumb at the quiescent
Dubauer. "I intend to see that you make it tomorrow."
Vorkosigan took another half painkiller and lay back where he sat, conceding
the argument. Still he remained restless, sleep evading him, and he watched
her through the dimness. His eyes seemed to gleam feverishly. He finally
propped himself up on one elbow, as she finished a patrol around the edge of
the glade and sat down cross-legged on the ground beside him.
"I..." he began, and trailed off. "You're not what I expected a female officer
to be."
"Oh? Well, you're not what I expected a Barrayaran officer to be, either, so I
guess that makes two of us." She added curiously, "What did you expect?"
"I'm-not sure. You're as professional as any officer I've ever served with,
without once trying to be an, an imitation man. It's extraordinary."
"There's nothing extraordinary about me," she denied.
"Beta Colony must be a very unusual place, then."
"It's just home. Nothing special. Lousy climate."
"So I've heard." He picked up a twig and dug little furrows into the soil with
it, until it snapped. "They don't have arranged marriages on Beta Colony, do
they?"
She stared. "Certainly not! What a bizarre concept. Sounds almost like a civil
rights violation. Heavens-you don't mean to say they do, on Barrayar?"
"In my caste, almost always."
"Doesn't anybody object?"
"They're not forced. Arranged, by the parents usually. It-seems to work. For
many people."
"Well, I suppose it's possible."
"How, ah-how do you arrange yourselves? With no go-betweens it must be very
awkward. I mean, to refuse someone, to their face."
"I don't know. It's something lovers work out after they've known each other
quite a time, usually, and wish to apply for a child permit. This contractual
thing you describe must be like marrying a total stranger. Naturally it would
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be awkward."
"Hm." He found another twig. "In the Time of Isolation, on Barrayar, for a man
to take a woman of the soldier caste for a lover was regarded as stealing her
honor, and he was supposed to die a thief's death for it. A custom more
honored in the breach, I'm sure, although it's a favorite subject for drama.
Today we are betwixt and between. The old customs are dead, and we keep trying
on new ones, like badly fitting clothes. It's hard to know what's right,
anymore." After a moment he added, "What had you expected?"
"From a Barrayaran? I don't know. Something criminal, I suppose. I wasn't too
crazy about being taken prisoner."
His eyes fell. "I've-seen what you're talking about, of course. I can't deny
it exists. It's an infection of the imagination, that spreads from man to man.
It's worst when it goes from the top down. Bad for discipline, bad for
morale... I hate most how it affects the younger officers, when they encounter
it in the men they should be molding themselves on. They haven't the weight of
experience, to fight it in their own minds, nor distinguish when a man is
stealing the Emperor's authority to cloak his own appetites. And so they are
corrupted almost before they know what's happening." His voice was intense in
the darkness.
"I'd actually only thought about it from the prisoner's point of view, myself.
I take it I am fortunate in my choice of captors."
"They're the scum of the service. But you must believe, a small minority.
Although I've no use for those who pretend not to see, either, and they are
not such a minority as... Make no mistake. It's not an easy infection to fight
off. But you have nothing to fear from me. I promise you."
"I'd-already figured that out."
They sat in silence for a time, until the night crept up out of the low places
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